It's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it's been ten years since I got the call that would forever change my life ... The day I was thrust into the life of being a caregiver & advocate, for the first time. It was the day that my life, as I knew it, began to unravel.

It's been ten years since my father had his heart attack and hemorrhagic stroke. September 28, 2015. The day (night, actually) I authorized emergency brain surgery over the phone. He was in Jackson, TN. I was in Coldwater, MS. Life changed forever with that one phone call. As night dawned into morning, I drove into a new life & calling. A call to forgive the past ... and whatever was to come in our future. A call to love someone who wasn't loveable on most days. But mostly, it was a call to die to self. Ten years ago, I began having to live out a faith that I proclaimed. And it was so incredibly messy!

A lot has changed in ten years. I left my traditional job to run a cleaning business so I could continue to be involved in Dad's care. My grandmother, Dad's mom, left us to meet Jesus face-to-face on December 27, 2018. I was set free from the twisted teachings of Bill Gothard and other legalistic, fundamentalist teachings. A reunion took place between me and one of my favorite teachers at a local church ... I was blessed to become a bonus member of her family, too! I got a hands-on, front row seat to God crushing my father under the weight of his sin and then reconciling us as father & daughter three months prior to his death. The LORD has allowed me to travel to Canada twice, to share what He did in Dad's life in a few different settings, to write a book, and to serve my bonus family in one of the hardest, darkest seasons of life. I closed my cleaning business to become a caregiver in a local healthcare facility which led me to being an activities director at a different facility, had major surgery, and said goodbye to one of my heroes.

Through it all, the one Constant has been (& continues to be) Jesus. Even in the darkest valleys of dementia, navigating the warped medical system that plagues America, despair, depression, a mental breakdown, a personal health crisis, cancer, and death ... Jesus has remained steadfast & oh, so faithful! 

With a power that can only be described as resurrection power, the LORD continues to fulfill His word by using ALL things - the good, the bad, the ugly - for His glory. He continues to bring deep healing where it is needed. And He continues to be near ... when no one else is.

This life I now live ... I didn't pray for it. I sure didn't plan it. But God has put me in a place where I get to serve senior adults as their activities director, aka: creative caregiver. A place where I get to love and serve seniors as I would my own father. It's a season of blessing mixed with the daily struggles of life. I am constantly reminded that this world is NOT my home as residents pass away ... as typical workplace drama happens ... as this world gets darker and darker. I find myself begging Jesus to return soon and then asking for sustaining grace should He choose to not return as quickly as I'd like. And His grace sustains for the next step. As it has for the last ten years (really for the last 43 1/2 years but this is about the last ten years). I'm learning to let Jesus fight my battles when it comes to the daily struggles of working in corporate America again. More often than not, my prayer is: "LORD, help! I need You!" 

And, my Friend, isn't that the point? To get us to a place of utter dependence on Jesus. I dare say it is.

I leave you tonight with this.

To the Believer: REMEMBER who you are & whose you are! I was first taught this by Buster, my bonus Dad ... aka: Papa. And in recent days, the reminder has been EVERYWHERE! I can only smile & whisper, "Yes, sir" when the reminder comes, knowing the look he'd give me as he'd say it.
To the Unbeliever: If you have any questions or just want to talk more, please drop me a comment below & I will get back to you as quickly as I can.

SDG!

It's hard to believe that we're halfway through August. It's been five months since my last blog post ... and seeing that I pay for this spot on the internet, I might as well use it. Honestly, it's been a struggle to write. But that's kind of the point of this return to writing post ... about being in life's classroom.
I read a quote in July that said: "True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right." I've thought about it a lot since I first read it. And in some ways, this post ... is about doing just that. Even when it seems that all I'm doing is putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes doing what's right is - in fact - taking the next step, even when you don't want to. 
"Doing what's right" ... four questions come to mind when I read this quote. (1) What is 'right'? (2) Who/What gets to define 'right'? (3) Why are there so many opinions as to what's right? (4) Will we ever settle on an objective standard of 'right'? 
"True independence and freedom can only exist in doing what's right" is a very convicting quote. It's also encouraging. I see where I've chosen that which seemed easier, at times. I see where, by God's grace, I've chosen what's right ... even though it was done imperfectly. 
Following my recovery from my hysterectomy in December, I was excited to get back to living life; however, a lot of change began to take over my life ... (and a lot of change tends to spiral me. That plus the trauma of 2024 caught up with me.) 
I was excited to being back on the floor caregiving again ... and then it changed. Through a simple question from one of my favorite friends and bonus big sister ... the LORD closed the door at Providence and led me to The Pinnacle of Southaven. To be their Activities Director. I've never directed anything; I thought it was crazy, but my journey with them started on April 1. I went from helping residents with activities for daily living (ADLs) to being the "creative caregiver". And while this career path isn't what I expected or dreamed of, it's so much more than I could ask or imagine. 
I've been there 4 1/2 months now. And the Lord continues to redeem what felt like wasted years as I get to serve my team and our residents. 
What may come as a surprise to many people is that I stepped out of my role with Indian Life Ministries ... now known as Intertribal Life Ministries. This decision was anything but easy; however, working remotely for an international ministry presented unexpected challenges that I wasn't ready for and I wasn't equipped to handle ... although, for now, I do digital art for the paper, I do nothing else that I used to do. I have grieved this change more than one might imagine because it left a void I can't describe here. I used to wonder if I wasted my time or if what I did mattered ... and while I'll never know the truth to some of the lingering questions and doubts ... I do know that it gave me a ministry mindset. Being a part of ILM showed me how to love people who aren't like me, and it helped shape how I work in a healthcare facility. So from that vantage point, it was worth the late nights of research ... the conversations ... the prayers. 
The classroom of life is much like a school classroom. Some days/seasons are for testing. 2025 has had its fair share of testing, that's for sure. Some tests have been easy. And some ... well, they've been dark and brutal. But one thing has remained ... or rather one Person has remained ever present. He's seemingly silent, at times, like a teacher during an exam. But He's faithfully near. 
Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."
The LORD has shown Himself to be that quiet Refuge. The quiet Strength. The Help in the testing ... and it's been through His servants. Pastors, Sunday school teachers, loved ones miles away, "bonus family" God's given me, and my job. As folks would ask probing questions that I'd try to avoid, they press in. Coming over to speak life and to give hope. Coming up to me at work and saying "we're gonna help". 
I've spent the better part of this summer just putting one foot in front of the other ... of doing the next thing ... and it's here that I am finding independence and a renewed freedom as I learn how to live with these broken places in life ... mentally, relationally, emotionally, spiritually ... I've begged God to heal these areas. And in the quietness of every broken plea, the Father seems to whisper: "Trust Me. I'm here." 
I've found my spark for art again. While I was doing hand-drawn art for ILM, it got to be tedious, uninspiring -at times- and too painful to draw. Now, it's imperfect art that less complex and yet, I leave my art with a smile again. It's given me back my creative spark. And I'm forever thankful!
It's been a hot minute since I've written anything. The last blog post proves that fact. The last thing I did write was a recent short story for a class I just finished. While it was 2 paragraphs (a micro-short story), it got the writing started. 
I've spent the last couple of days at home ... and was inspired to pick my Bible back up. I've been in Philippians for quite some time. Paul, in prison, is writing this book ... he could tell us about the Classroom of Life ... In Philippians 3:12-4:1, the LORD shined His light graciously into the darkness that had been heavy for so long this summer. Paul says: "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Join with others in following my example, brothers, and take note of those who live according to the pattern we gave you. For, as I have often told you before and now say again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who, by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body. Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!"
Make no mistake. The Classroom of Life changes us. It teaches, sanctifies, and corrects us. It has a way of giving life more meaning. More depth. It helps us to do the right thing, and in turn, granting us that independence and freedom we all long for. 
In James 1:2, James (the half-brother of our Lord) says, "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him."
For those of us who know Jesus ... may we be found faithful ... enjoying a life of true independence and true freedom that only come from following Jesus.
And for those who may not know Jesus personally, I'd love to talk to you. Trials and tests in this life are a given, but they don't have to be faced alone. 

A fellow student.
A fellow pilgrim.
SDG!

68 years old ... but forever 64. 
I'd give anything to see you again. To hear your voice. To go to Tractor Supply or Sonic or to a bookstore with you. I want to know what Heaven looks like from your perspective. I'd love to talk with you about this caregiving path I'm on. Sometimes, it seems like yesterday when you had to leave ... while other times, it seems like it was forever ago. 
As I think back over your life, I continue to marvel at how the LORD intervened on your behalf. Yours was a life marked by great darkness. Struggle. Sin and shame. But Jesus!
Jesus took your heart of stone and gave you a heart of flesh. Jesus dispelled the darkness that plagued your life by shining HIS eternal light into your soul. Years of struggle ceased. Sins forgiven, and your shame is no more.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
I don't know how birthdays are celebrated in Heaven ... or if they're celebrated, but I'd like to think that you are sharing a two-tiered strawberry cake with Jesus. That you can eat without dealing with the constant tremors, stemming from Essential Tremor Disorder ... and without worrying about diabetes. That you are able to have a one-on-one conversation with your father ... my Pappaw ... a conversation that you needed to have.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!
I hope and pray that the trajectory of my life is making you proud. And I look forward to the day when we'll be together forever ... when there will never be another goodbye, another tear, and there will be no more pain. 
HAPPY 68th BIRTHDAY, DAD!
​I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU!

It's been two weeks since I turned 43. And it's been over two months since I could find the words to put into a blog post. Over the last year, there have been way to many losses. A lot of unbelievable, soul-crushing loss. Trials. Stress. Many sleepless nights and countless tears. But God! Through it all, the LORD has been abundantly kind and faithful ... revealing Himself through glimpses of grace ... as He has sustained (and continues to sustain) me all of my days. I've struggled to put this together, but this is my feeble attempt to share some of what the LORD has taught me ... and continues to teach me ... over the last year. 

(1) Although I wasn't with my biological father or with Papa at the time they met Jesus face-to-face, the LORD has redeemed that recently as He provided me the bittersweet opportunity/honor of walking a couple of my residents to the portals of Heaven. (2) Changing careers is scary, but so rewarding when the LORD paves the way. (3) ALL of life's questions can be taken to Jesus ... HE is the ultimate answer. (4) There's one true Anchor. JESUS. (5) Have the hard conversations. (6) NEVER give up hope! (7) Real healing is possible. (8) People with dementia have great potential! Many times, their caregivers have a harder time with their diagnosis than they do. (9) Jesus is the Source of the believer's confidence. (10) Setting goals with a plan makes dreams come true. (11) Books are gifts from God. (12) You can never say I LOVE YOU too much. Go ahead & make it weird. It's okay. (13) Strive to be all God created you to be. (14) Boundaries are essential in all areas of life. (15) God's timing is NOT our timing! (16) Write liberally; share sparingly. (17) Caregiving, done the right way, is a calling. (18) Flexibility is a must in life! (19) Take care of your physical health ... making yourself a priority isn't selfish. When your physical health has been cared for, many times, your spiritual/mental/emotional health will improve. (20) Forgiveness doesn't guarantee reconciliation. (21) Learn the art of gardening ... for food and for beauty. (22) Quiet healing can be deep healing. (23) NEVER stop dreaming! (24) NEVER ignore the red flags/gut instincts when dealing with people. Those are from the Holy Spirit, if you belong to Him. PAY ATTENTION! (25) Jesus is LORD of all ... or He's not LORD at all. (26) sitting at the feet of Jesus is possible, even when there's a lot to do. (27) Know your worth! (28) Pray FOR people ... not about them. Prepositions matter! (29) Exodus 14:1 "The LORD will fight for you. You need only to be still." (30) No matter the circumstances of our lives, as long as Jesus is honored in and through us, all will TRULY be okay. (31) Walk in confidence knowing Jesus goes before you. (32) Take lots of pictures! Print them out and praise the LORD for precious memories ... even in seasons of grief. (33) God is good. Faithful. Abundantly merciful, loving, and kind ... even when our lives have fallen apart. (34) Hebrews 9:27-28 "And just as it is appointed for man to die once, and after that comes judgment, so Christ, having been offered once to bear the sins of many, will appear a second time, not to deal with sin but to save those who are eagerly waiting for Him." Share Jesus with anyone and everyone! (35) Embrace your gray hair! Glitter strands. Wisdom highlights. It's beautiful! (36) There's ALWAYS abundant grace for the day ahead. (37) Caregiving is a high honor! There is no greater honor for a Christian than to walk another Christian to Jesus. (38) Stand for truth and righteousness ... even if you're standing alone. (39) Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. (40) Time flies ... even when you're not having fun ... so seize every moment that the LORD gives to you. (41) When you step out of your comfort zone, the LORD faithfully meets you there and equips you with His supernatural strength, grace, and courage. (42) Words have the power to speak life or to crush someone's spirit. Choose life! (43) REDEMPTION. May we never lose sight of the old, old story of Jesus Christ. Of our redemption. 

As 2025 lies in front of you and me, may we be found faithful. I'm just a fellow pilgrim passing through this life headed for Heaven. I pray that you are, too!
SDG!

I’ve struggled to write this. Life forever changed earlier this month in so many ways. And I will never be the same. Only time will tell if that’s a good thing or not.

December 8, 2024. A day I never want to relive. The day one of my personal heroes went Home.
It’s not everyday that you meet an ordinary hero … it’s much rarer to be loved by a hero. But that has been my honor and privilege to have been loved by one such hero.

Buster.

A son & brother. A husband, father, & grandfather. Teacher. Coach. Colonel & commander. Master Craftsman. An at-home missionary. A man who loved Jesus and others!

In three short years, I watched/experienced the healing transformation of the Lord’s grace through Buster … who became known as “Papa” as time went on. Honestly, I wanted more time. I needed more time, but I am forever thankful for the time the Lord gave me with him.

Many of our conversations were had as we did life. Burning limbs & boxes. Riding the side-by-side to go take pictures on the property. During commercial breaks as we’d watch a movie or two. And let’s not forget about shooting mistletoe out of the tree … I should add that Papa was a brave soul to let me shoot his rifle that day!!!! What seemed like just fun adventures and memories being made were, in fact, when some of the deepest healing took place in my life as I discovered what being safe felt like … and being somewhere that felt like home.

Although he wasn’t my earthly father, he claimed me as his. God breathed life into me through Buster’s (& Nina’s) life. He prayed for me. He prayed over me … whether it was before doctor appointments, before I took a trip away from home, when I mentally broke in May 2023, or just in day-to-day living, his fatherly presence radiated peace and a quiet trust in the God who held his family. He protected me & defended me. I began discovering a new courage to do new things because of Buster. Situations that felt intimidating (solo trips, for example) weren’t so scary once I had those conversations about personal safety and making wise decisions. I was loved in a way I’d never known before. And I am forever thankful! To my Papa and to our God.

2024 isn’t want we wanted. It wasn’t what I wanted. But that Saturday in February after we found out the cancer returned, I asked: “Papa, are you mad at God? Because God can heal you, and it seems like He has said ‘no.’” With a faith securely anchored in who God is, he said without hesitation, “No.” And then he reminded me that no matter the outcome that God can and will use these circumstances … that as long as He [God] is glorified then everything will be okay. As he endured treatments, surgery, and even into his final days, Papa remained faithful … and pointed our hearts … pointed my heart to the Lord Jesus. And I am thankful because even in this season of raw, unfiltered grief, there’s an Anchor who is far greater than the ordinary hero who loved me so much.

I miss everything.

Our bantering back & forth. Our antics & stupid jokes, the safety of his presence. His hugs. Listening to him pray. Him giving me “the look” as he’d say my name as only he could. It feels as if we’ve lost so much. That this world has lost so much!

But … the truth is, we haven’t lost him. We know right where he’s at. Papa’s in heaven … and in typical Buster fashion, he led the way Home … on the eve of December 8th.
​
The night A HERO WENT HOME.

 Three years ago, I got a front-row seat to a modern-day miracle.
August 11th had always been memorable because it’s Aunt Polly’s birthday … and it was the day in 2000 when I had a large benign tumor removed.
But August 11, 2021 … was a day unlike any other August 11 before or since. I got to see Dad that day … and he was different. Dad was repentant and dying. He was trapped in a broken body with a mind that was plagued by his past.
I watched God completely break Dad. It took 6 years of his complicated ongoing medical issues to break him, but God broke this once-monster of a man … in order to make him new. In the breaking of James Roderick Dickson, my father, God made him a masterpiece for His glory!
And although I long to see his face again on this earth ... to talk about Jesus, to talk about music and photography and life today ... and while there is grief, it is mixed with joy and peace because Dad is with Jesus.
Healthy, whole, restored.
On August 11, 2021, a hellatious past was forgiven … and in the heartache of knowing these were our final weeks, there was amazing grace!
Grace to endure. To love. To forgive. And to protect him … his life … and his story.
In the eyes of most, Dad had little to no value because of the choices he made throughout his life. But to the One who ordained his very days … to the One who created him, Dad had the same intrinsic value as faith heroes like Polycarp, Augustine, Amy Carmichael, Jim Elliot, Elisabeth Elliot, and Billy Graham. HOW DO I SAY THAT WITH CONFIDENCE? Because the same God who made these faith heroes is the same God who made my father. The same God who created these faith heroes in His image also made my father in His image … Jesus died for Dad … just as He did for you and for me
2 Corinthians 5:17 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, and see, the new has come!”
And as the LORD did what only He could do in Dad’s life, I was given the best gift I could ask for … although I only had this transformed Dad for 3 months & 3 days, I am eternally thankful for the promise of Heaven … the place with no goodbyes.
I can say that I am thankful for a journey that threw me at the feet of Jesus every step of the way. While I wouldn’t wish my journey on another human being – friend or foe – I am thankful that the LORD is sovereign & is using the tragedy of trauma for the good of me, my father, & others … and He is using it for His eternal glory!
Some have tried to silence me in telling our story, but I will continue to share it. Until I am with my father again … at the feet of OUR Jesus, I will share it.
Whether it’s through our book, An Ugly Kind of Beautiful, or through a speaking engagement or a one-on-one conversation, may Jesus alone receive the greatest honor and glory! FOR HE ALONE IS WORTHY! 
SDG!

There’s no denying that this life … it’s just incredibly hard, at times. Diseases like dementia, Alzheimer's, cancer, and a whole bunch more plague our mortal bodies. Despair robs us of any sense of peace, rest, and joy. Death comes … and loved ones are left with a void so deep that mere time doesn’t heal. Add to that the financial hardships, the mental/emotional turmoil, the state of the economy, and the spiritual struggles we face … yes! Life is hard.
That’s not the end of the story, though! Not for the Christian!
For us who know Jesus in a personal relationship, there’s supernatural grace to rest … come what may.

And I came here to talk to you about it today.

We finished up ~uh, I think, we finished~ the book of 1 Thessalonians in Sunday School today. And in a way that can only be described as a “God-thing,” it tied in beautifully with this morning’s sermon … taken from Romans 8:28-30.

In both passages (1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 and Romans 8:28-30), the Apostle Paul reveals that the sufferings of this life aren’t in vain. That there is a purpose … and he, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, gently shifts our gaze. From this life to the one that is to come. A life that will have no sorrow, sickness, pain or death.

What is that purpose?
To conform us into the image of Jesus Christ.

Um, okay. I know some are saying it because I've said it ... and I'm known for saying out loud what others think but don't say ... so let me say it here: That’s all well and good … but … what about TODAY?!

As one of my best friends grieves the recent loss of her brother.
As friends -who are my family, both of whom I completely adore- are facing major health challenges. As unspoken goodbyes bring an end to one’s hope of restoration.
As the Christian fights with all they have every single day to stay mentally well.
And so much more.
What about today?!

How can we -as Christians- rest?
How can we know with absolute certainty that what God says, what He has promised, will happen?

Friend, we can rest -even in our todays, however hard they may be- because we have a sovereign God! We can rest in His character! And because He is TOTALLY sovereign, we can rest in His Word, His promises … We can rest IN HIM.

1 Thessalonians 5:24 tells us plainly that the LORD will bring His Word to pass. So, if we can rest in Him with that which is eternal, I dare say that we can rest in Him with whatever we are facing in this life.
Through the grief.
Through the uncertainty, fear, anxiety, loss, instability.
We can trust Him. And we can learn to rest. Because He’s given us grace to rest.

Romans 8:28-30 is a beautifully rich text.
We can rest in the LORD because we know His sovereign work is for our good.
“Know” in this passage -and all throughout the Sacred Script of God- isn’t just about mere head knowledge and facts. It’s so much deeper. It involves a deep understanding … a humble confidence … and trust. And it’s foundational to the Christian faith.
The word “work” in verse 28 is in the aorist tense. That just means it’s an ongoing action. And THAT should, I pray, bring us hope … and a peace that paves the way for us to rest. Because the LORD is continually working on behalf of His children, we can rest in knowing that God doesn’t waste anything.
The good.
The bad.
The ugly.
He causes ALL of it to work together for our good and for His glory.

Our life details are held in His nail-scarred hands. And are the means by which He sanctifies us … and according to Philippians 1:6, He will see it to completion.

As we travel this path, called life, headed to the Celestial City (Heaven), may we do as Pilgrim did in Pilgrim’s Progress … may we press on. Knowing that He who has promised is faithful!
May we rest in the One who holds our future in His hands (quite literally … our future bears the shape of nail scars).
 
I need to give 2 disclaimers:
(1) The 2 passages today are conditional … I know, I may get a lot of backlash for this & that’s okay … but these passages are NOT universal promises. A simple reading of the text indicates this. These promises are for those who have acknowledged Jesus as LORD & Savior of their lives.
So, if you know Jesus personally, these promises are for you.
However, if you don’t know Jesus personally, they aren’t for you … not yet, anyway. But I’d love to talk to you about Jesus. Leave me a comment here (it is closely moderated) or email me (with JESUS in the subject line) at [email protected] if you’d like to know more about Jesus.

(2) Romans 8:28-30 often causes division among believers due to what’s known as the Doctrines of Grace … I do NOT have any answers as far as what verses 29-30 mean exactly when it comes to God’s sovereignty in salvation. I don’t want to be on one side or the other, honestly. Leaving room for mystery and unanswered questions is okay for me. What I DO know, beyond a shadow of a doubt is that:
 
JESUS paid it all
All to HIM I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
HE WASHED IT WHITE AS SNOW!

And because of Jesus … we have GRACE TO REST … COME WHAT MAY!
 
To the glory of God alone.
Soli Deo Gloria! 
​