a photographer's look back at 2022

       It’s taken me a little while to be able to write this blog post. In fact, I purposefully took a writing break ... at least, a writing break from my blog. After my last blog post, I knew I needed a break, and I decided that I'd wait until the new year before I posted again. The first few days of the new year were somewhat eventful. Added to the desire to write an honest blog post that was transparent while not saying too much … it’s just taken me longer than normal.
       As I looked at the many photographs that I took in 2022, I began to draw certain life lessons that I can bring along this life journey in 2023. Here are a few of the lessons I've learned/am learning.
       One of the most profound life lessons I’ve learned (or am still learning) is that there’s beauty in ALL of life … it’s a matter of perspective. Focus. Light. The negative circumstances in our lives serve as reminders to celebrate the positive circumstances more. They also aide in our development to be better equipped to handle additional life circumstances when they occur.
       In the cold, winter months when everything seems lifeless and dead, there’s a beauty that is still. Quiet. Calm. The fresh air and crisp breeze. The pops of color as a bird sits on a tree branch or a fence post. The towering evergreens standing strong … reminding us that there’s a time to rest. Being dormant – at rest – is a time for us to heed the Lord’s counsel to “be still.” Last year, “be still” seemed to be a theme in January as I was still in the early days of learning to live a new life … a different life … a life without my father.
       February 2022 held so much for me. A milestone was passed as I turned 40. A new decade was here. And I had my first birthday party … surrounded by family and friends. Turning 40 was so weird for me. I realized that I was (and am) too old to be young, and I am too young to be old. However, the love I felt on my birthday was indescribable. As crazy as it seems, the birthday party surpassed anything I could have hoped for or imagined. It was my first birthday without Dad. I missed his yearly phone call more than words could describe, but the Lord saw fit to surround me with His love, through the lives of those around me. Even in the hardest season of life, there were such outpourings of God’s grace, hope, love, and joy. I didn’t believe it was possible … until that day.
       As the days, weeks, and months passed as they normally do … so slowly and yet so quickly … I discovered that there’s healing and a sense of having the ability to carry on in the face of incredible grief. I, also, discovered that death reveals a person’s true character … for good or for evil. Through it all, the LORD’s grace sustains the heart of His child.
       As winter turned into spring, I began planning a much needed get-away …to a country I loved so very much … Canada. It was my first real vacation. My heart was tired. I was weary. And I just needed a break. As time to leave approached, relational tensions between me and someone I considered a dear friend began to escalate … In fact, the relationship was beginning to implode. What I didn’t know at the time was that the relationship would suffer from irreparable damage when I got home from Canada … Life would change, yet again. I am thankful I didn’t know what was ahead … I don’t think I could have enjoyed myself in Canada if I had known.
       Canada held so much beauty … and so many life lessons. One of the most humbling life lessons was beginning to realize just how loved I truly was. My eyes and heart began to be opened to so much. The diversity. The creation around me. The friendliness of the people I encountered. The new culture. More than anything, though, the peace and rest that flooded my soul was something I’d never experienced before. What I never anticipated was the beginning of some deep healing that needed to take place. Conversations with Kevin and Laura were life-changing … from facing fears to having toxic thoughts/beliefs gently challenged. I still draw from these conversations today.
       After returning home, everything seemed to unravel completely. Disagreements over insignificant things destroyed a cherished relationship beyond repair … to this day, I can feel the disdain and the hostility. Only God has been able to bring healing to my heart. The day it was made plain that my life no longer mattered (a day that I’ll forever refer to as “Black Saturday”), I began to question EVERYthing ever said to me … from their position as a friend and from their position of leadership. The gaslighting, the emotional/verbal/psychological/spiritual abuse that day … it was my breaking point. After hearing this person say: “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter,” in response to the issue at hand and where I was in processing these encounters while still in the midst of so much grief, I knew the truth had finally come out. I couldn’t have a voice that was different. My life was useless and really didn’t matter. Ideations of death became more and more intense. No one knew how bad it was getting. The darkness was thick. Heavy. The temptation to leave the church was real. I discovered in a way I can’t describe that there’s no hurt like church hurt. Through the support and love of my sister and one of my closest friends here at home, I got into therapy. The therapist recommended me see the psychiatrist.
     Although I had baggage surrounding the idea of needing medication again, I got the Zoloft prescription filled. As I’ve been in therapy and eventually got to a place where I was okay with taking the Zoloft, the heartache and grief and trauma of what had been my reality for so long has begun to be worked through and processed, with a clearer mindset. Therapy combined with photography led me back to the most breathtaking sight I beheld while I was in Canada … Moraine Lake. As I began to recall the beauty, I began to marvel at the realization that the most beautiful place I’d ever been was located IN A VALLEY … The Valley of the Ten Peaks.
      In the valley, there was so much beauty. As I looked at the pictures I had taken, the thing that caught my attention was the fact that the mountains held a rocky, unique, ugly kind of beauty … but the beauty in the valley … THAT was so very compelling. Exquisite. The beauty in the valley was infinitely more serene that it was on the mountain. The same is true in life, Dear Friend.
       We must do what every single photographer – amateur or professional – does, though. We MUST adjust our focus! I’ve been learning that the valleys of this life are so incredibly beautiful IF we will just look up … it’s been in this valley that I’ve caught a glimpse of the beauty of the Lord Jesus Himself. It’s been here in the valley that healing has begun … and a greater vision for the eternal has been granted.
       Fall 2022 held many fun photography experiences as I was able to capture the fall memories for some precious friends … friends who have become my family. Decorating for fall and Christmas for them brought unspeakable peace and joy to my soul … and was much needed. Fellowshipping with friends and family in the latter months of 2022 brought a spirit of calm. Of peace. Support and love.              December, indeed, held a tough transition as one of my clients, one of my first clients Amy, moved … Through covid and all the work transitions she dealt with, Amy and I became close as I’d clean her home while she worked from home. Following the loss of her husband, Jim, to cancer, the time came for her to relocate to be closer to her family. As I sought to help in any way I could, the LORD continued to undergird me with His grace. His provision. And His real people. There was (and is) true peace, joy, and calm in the midst of goodbyes I never wanted to speak.
       Photography speaks to my soul in a way like no other art medium … Just as there are some edits that must be made in photography, there are life edits that must be made. Jesus is so very qualified to do just that. He is our source of Light. Our pure focus. The source of clarity. Calm. Peace. He is the source of true beauty … even in life’s darkest valleys, especially in life’s darkest valley.
       Precious Friend, I pray that you and I will turn our eyes – our focus – upon Jesus. May we seek to honor Him all the days of our lives!