It's taken a lot to get me here ... to see the breaking of last year as a gift, but indeed, it was a gift. Being completely free from the environment in which I broke, effective May 25th, there are no words to describe what it's like. The fears that continued to have a hold on my heart every week were intense, at times.
And the Lord saw fit to release me. One year later, I see that in the darkness of the unknown, the Truth held strong ... and although I couldn't see what was ahead, I was seen by the One who holds all my tomorrows in His hands. These last few weeks have been surreal as I've thought a lot about last May. The mental breakdown. The breaking of relationships. The breaking of, what felt to be, a less-than-solid foundation. The breaking away from man-made religiosity cleverly -not so cleverly- disguised as Christianity. In the breaking, I can say that it's been in the brokenness that a choice had to be made. Keep running away, into greater darkness. Or run into His rest ... leaning in to the Rock of Ages, the One who never shakes, never breaks. With my inner circle around me, we faced the darkness of a mental breakdown together ... And Truth stood firm ... when all else seemed unsteady ... and it is STILL standing today. Why? because life isn't about my truth or your truth. Life is about THE Truth ... and His name is Jesus. Learning to live completely dependent in His truth isn't easy when there seems to be much to heal, and the "remedies" offered are numerous. But if I've learned anything over the last year, I've learned/am learning ... ~ standing for Truth is costly, but Jesus is worth it! ~ in the blackest darkness, Jesus' Light shines brightest ... through those who are TRULY His and who are seeking to follow Him and through His Word. ~ Jesus will protect and defend His own, especially when they are vulnerable! ~ the foundation of my life will never be destroyed because I belong to the Father ... however, there are parts of my belief system that have been/are faulty ... and the Father is NOT willing for any of His children to live their lives believing lies. He will stop at nothing to set His children free. [and I might add that He does so gently] ~ Jesus has a place for His people. A place to serve. To love. To grow. To be sanctified. Yes. Mental breakdowns happen. It's the sad reality of this life that's been tainted with sin. BUT Jesus is Lord over ANY mental breakdown because ... as someone once said ... He's either Lord of all or He's not Lord at all. In the breaking, there's a gift. From One who only gives good gifts to His children ... and for the child of God, I am convinced from personal experience that the gift in the breaking is Jesus Himself.
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