It's been almost a year ... in two weeks, it will be a year ... A year since my life was completely engulfed in total darkness. I'm 42-years-old, and May 27th of 2023 could quite possibly be one of the most traumatic days of my entire life. I'd had mental breakdowns before, but that day ... that day was different. I felt disconnected from my mind, my body, and all of reality. While the events surrounding that day are extremely complex & the details aren't for public knowledge, today ... today, I find myself oddly thankful. And blessed. Only in being completely broken did I begin seeing that Jesus was essential for ALL areas of life, not just the spiritual endeavors of life. 
Although a handful of people sought to capitalize on the events of that day, there were others who got in the battle with me ... and FOR me. I was advocated for ... without judgment. From going with me to doctor appointments to making sure I was eating to conversations to them just helping me to live again, all I knew was that I wasn't alone. 
And I saw the hand of God in the darkness.
The two groups of people -those who capitalized on the mental health crisis and those who advocated for me-were polar opposites ... all claiming the same faith in the same God. And the nail-scarred hands of the God-Man, Jesus, were evident in the lives of my advocates. They sought to advocate for me, just as Jesus advocates for us.
As we waited for the light to return, I was given a safe place to process. To begin to heal. A place to belong. To be loved without condition or reservation. Endless prayers were lifted on my behalf. And I was incredibly loved.
The days of debilitating fear were met with encouraging text messages, love, and more prayers. On days when I thought I might go completely mad, I was met with strong arms that held onto me ... until I could find center again. Calm. And rest. 
And I saw the hand of God in the darkness.
As the weeks and months passed, there was great uncertainty. Where would the Lord take me? I didn't know. I have begun to see purpose in the pain. Joy returning. Hope restoring. Looking back, I see it more clearly than before. Confronting toxic, abusive Christianity -even imperfectly- came at a high cost. Standing for truth usually does. 
And I saw the hand of God in the darkness.
Finding a new center ... a new life ... a new church home. All while trying to navigate it with a fake smile. It hasn't been easy ... New relationships have been formed with boundaries established. Lies are being discovered and replaced with the eternal Truth of God. Faulty thinking patterns are being challenged on multiple levels. Even on hard days ... and believe me, there have been plenty! ... light is shining again! The darkness isn't as dark.
And I see the hand of God in the darkness.
It's been a long year, but I wouldn't change anything ... because I've seen the hand of God in great darkness. 

My Friend, the truth is ... we live in a broken world. Inside and outside the church. We're all broken! In our brokenness, Satan -the enemy of our souls- always seeks to destroy whoever he can. At the same time, Jesus steps in, as He did on May 27, to show His glory ... to use what man meant for evil for our good and His great glory!
​And we see the hand of God in our lives -no matter the season- if we will only look.