New year. New decade. New beginnings.

December 31, 2019. There are only a few minutes left in this year ... left in this decade, in fact. A new year. A new decade. It will all be new in a few minutes. I don’t know if I’ve ever looked more forward to a new year as much as I do this one.

Many “life lessons” have been learned over this year ... over this decade. Several of these have been sobering.

I’ve seen some of how heinous my selfishness is when things don’t go my way.....when I’m inconvenienced by, yet another, medical problem with my father. As we continue on our journey in 2020, my hope is that the selfishness will continue to be chipped away. This life, truly, isn’t about me. No matter how much of an inconvenience it can be, at times, I want to serve him well. Love him well .... no matter how long we have together.
Over this last decade, I’ve seen death ... way too close and personal! I’ve seen the death of dreams & hopes & visions. I’ve seen the death of many loved ones ... the death of many close relationships. I’ve also seen what chronic illness can do.
I’ve also seen (& experienced) firsthand how the body of Christ will love one of their own. In the daily stuff of life, they’ve cared & loved & provided for me .... all without taking a vote! I’ve been in many churches ... more than I care to admit to ... I still have contact with some of the folks from some of these places, occasionally .... but I’ve NEVER seen or experienced what I have seen & experienced anywhere except where I’m at now. I’ve seen what it means to love one another, to be a Christian Sunday through Saturday, to hold EACH OTHER to the high standards of holiness that are laid out in the Word of God ... to be Jesus with skin on, as they say. Discipleship beyond the walls of the church building, the DAILY PRACTICAL, LIFE on LIFE practical application of Deuteronomy 6 ... lovingly confronting blatant sins & then persevering through the restoration process that involved deep grief. We aren’t perfect, by any means, but for the first time ... I see something different. Something REAL ... and it’s a breath of fresh air!
The most sobering life lesson came this year ... in fact, it has come in stages, finally culminating last week. As I read notes in the Bible of a dearly loved family member, I began to question so much of the faith that I was given in my childhood. Notes that said: “The theology changes in this book {Isaiah}.” Or “God didn’t mean this.” I saw several Bible passages marked out with the words: “not in the earliest manuscripts” .... so, were these passages no good? If the theology changes in one book, then is the Bible even reliable? The questions loomed hard! My heart sank. I realized that my faith has been based on an array of theologies ... from what is taught at my church & from the lives of our members to the vascillating doctrine & theology of my family to the pragmatic “do what’s best for you” faith of some of my friends. Heartbreaking answers came as a result of reading these notes. It’s been hard to admit (freeing, in some respects, though) that my relationship with God the Father is so very shallow because my PRACTICAL theology has come from what others have said & lived ... and those messages have done nothing but contradict themselves. Oh sure, I can give you the right answers to what you ask me ... but those right answers don’t dispel the questions within my soul when I’m alone, when the storms of life are raging.
NOW WHAT? As a new year, a new era, a new decade enters, there’s purpose and a direction .. to learn, FIRSTHAND, what the heart of God the Father is. To learn to trust Him with the totality of my being. To begin leaving a DIFFERENT type of legacy ... one that doesn’t waver “to and fro with every wind of doctrine” but is steadfast and confident. A legacy of faith that is rooted in the depths of Scripture alone. I love my church leadership ... and Gene & Sarah have been with me from the beginning, but I’ve seen the reality that death is coming for everyone. If the LORD takes them from me, I have to have something deeper and greater than their faith. I haven’t known where to start exactly ... the Gospels, Romans, the Epistles ... I guess that sort of detail isn’t important, as long as I start.

My reading goals for 2020 are basically set ... the first three books may take much of my year ... but they seem the most important from the list. “Recovering from Losses in Life” by H. Norman Wright. “Institutes of the Christian Religion” by John Calvin. “Systematic Theology” by Wayne Grudem. We will see if I get to the others ...

LORD, captivate my soul. Allow me to not be distracted by the valleys, mountains, or plateaus of life.

A progressing pilgrim.
​HAPPY NEW YEAR