So much has changed since my father died 9 ½ weeks ago. It seems incredibly surreal that he’s gone. He’s been gone sixty-six days. I miss him more than I ever dreamed possible. As I am learning to live again, the true wonder/the true miracle is the sense of peace, joy and purpose that has blossomed amid the undeniable grief. I’ve experienced a level of grace from God that has been mind-blowing. While I’ve learned so much over these last several weeks, I share the life lessons that have been the foundation – and perhaps, the cornerstone – of me learning to live again.
~ The LORD specializes in making ALL things new … even a shattered heart & life. From Genesis to Revelation, we see the Lord making the old, broken things/people into new things/people for HIS glory. It flows forth from His heart of redemption. The closest glimpse I was honored to watch/be a small part of – aside from my own life – was watching the Lord change my father, in his final days/weeks of life. The Lord, truly, did the impossible! ~ Hope can live within the recesses of a shattered heart, and it blooms in due season. For me, it began to take deeper root as I faced my first Christmas without Dad. A small Christmas party opened the door for me to create and paint again. Facing each day and seeking to stay in a – somewhat – normal routine has kept me sane, able to breathe, and looking forward to what lies ahead. ~ The Lord didn’t create us to do life alone … even for me as a single woman. He put us in relationship with other people. While there is a delicate balance to be held so that the relationships are healthy, rather than toxic, the early days surrounding Dad’s death were days in which I knew I was being carried along by the love of those around me. Although life does go on and the weight of the grief is extremely heavy, the heaviest part of it was made easier by those who were there. Some of these folks ministered mountains of grace from other countries. My heart remains full! I am so thankful for my tribe! ~ Art, photography, music. Three passions that set my soul ablaze! It amazes me how the Lord can use everyday passions, even without professional skill, to bring a sense of calm. A sense of peace. Joy. Part of this may be the sense of connection I feel with my Dad in these areas of life when I’m drawing/painting, taking pictures of random things in nature, or playing any of my music. However, a large part of this – I think – lies in the fact that God the Father is the Master Artist. His is the creation that I behold through my camera lens. My heavenly Father is the Master Songwriter & Song-Giver … I have discovered that when my heart is overwhelmed, the Lord is watching as I draw/paint. He’s walking & talking with me as I take pictures of His subjects. He even sits with me as I play my music. His music. ~ One of the most life-changing/life STABILIZING lessons I’ve learned was shared by someone I’d consider a “life hero.” The day after Dad died, she laid her busy schedule aside to meet me at the funeral home. She was there to help with whatever I needed. She helped make sense of the wad of discombobulated stuff that comes with losing a dependent parent. We, then, went for coffee. I confessed how I had been struggling to read my Bible since I’d had to sign the hospice paperwork. Nothing made sense so I just didn’t read. With a heart of love for me – which she’s had for nearly three decades – and without any hint of judgment, she encouraged me to read the Word of God anyway … the more I look back, I see the infinite wisdom of this!! As I look back over the last 9 ½ weeks, some of my go-to passages and verses include (but not limited to): * Exodus 14:13-14 “Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” * Psalm 18:1-3, 6 “I love You, O LORD, my Strength. The LORD is my Rock and my Fortress and my Deliverer, my God, my Rock, in whom I take refuge, my Shield, and the Horn of my salvation, my Stronghold. I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, and I am saved from my enemies … In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reached His ears.” * Psalm 68:5 “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in His holy habitation.” * Psalm 103:1-5, 8, 13-14 “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the LORD O my soul, and forget not all His benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, who satisfies you with good so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s … The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love … As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear Him. For He knows our frame; He remembers that we are dust.” * Isaiah 26:3-4 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.” * Isaiah 43:1b-2 “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you.” In one of the hardest seasons/valleys of my life, I can say with a Calvary-infused confidence that it has also been a blessed season … to know my Lord like I do is something I wouldn’t trade for anything … to know the perfect and pure love of my Heavenly Father is unmatched! He is the Father to the fatherless … and I walk not alone! To God be the greatest glory! Soli Deo Gloria!
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